October 10, 2012
Living through a cancer diagnosis is a journey weighted with fear. I noticed how much fear I was harbouring after hearing I would need radiation. If I don't do it, will it come back? If I do it, will I develop a secondary cancer later in life? Am I screwed either way?!? Fear fear fear fear fear... My mind was consumed with toughts of the worst possible outcome and all I wanted was a gurantee that once this was over and done with, I would be happy and healthy for the rest of my life.
Then a beautiful thing happend: As I walked disapointedly home from a doctor's appointment, I noticed a feather on the ground. To most it would seem small and insignificant. But in that moment time stoped: intuitively I knew it was a sign, a love note from Spirit, as though fallen from an angel's wing, reminding methat on the deepest level of my being, I am already healed, loved and taken care of. From then on, I began seeing feathers everywhere, in the most unusal places. Soon after I learned that in many ancient traditions, feathers symbolise healing, freedom from fear, holding great vision and transformation.
My teacher Hareesh often talks about the full range of your power to choose your inner state. In that moment, I chose to be free inside, no matter the outer circumstances. The feather became a symbol of my power to choose my inner state.
So I got a tattoo! To serve as a beautiful steady reminder to choose freedom.
There are no guarantees in life and no one knows how long they will be on the planet. What we do have is autonomy over how we author our experience of life. May every day be lived fully free of fear, and infused with loving awarness.
Deep gratitude to my heart sister Meghan Currie for at my edge, reminding me to fly, and to Jaime for his beautiful work.
There is a deep and humbling lesson in the way of birds. Their wings grow and stretch and span patches of air. First tentatively and then with confidence, they lift, they pump, they glide, they land. It seems, for birds, it is the act of flying that is the goal. True, they migrate and seek out food, but when flying, there is the sense that being aloft is their true destination.”“Unlike birds, we confuse our time on Earth, again and agin, with obsessions of where we are going—often to the point that we frustrate and stall our human ability to fly. We frequently tame and hush our need to love, to learn, to know the truth of spirit, until it can be assured that our efforts will take us somewhere.”“All these conditions and hesitations and yes-buts and what ifs turn the human journey upside down, never letting the heart, wing that it is, truly unfold.”“Yet, without consideration or reservation, it is simply the presence of light that stirs birds to sing and lift. They do not understand concepts such as holding back or only investing if the return seems certain.”“In this, we are the only creatures that seek out guarantees, and in doing so, we snuff the spark that is discovery.”“Just how often do we cripple ourselves by not letting love with all its risks teach us how to fly? How many times do our hearts stall because we won’t let the wingspan of our passion open us fully into our gifts? How frequently do we search for a song of guidance that can only come from inside us?”“…We like the birds are meant to fly and sing—that’s all—and all our plans and schemes are twigs of nest that, once outgrown, we leave.”
Mark Nepo via Mysticmamma